J has been part of our family for five years as of yesterday. For five years now, we’ve been a five-person family.
Some days, it seems like we’ve always been this way. Sometimes it seems like hardly any time has passed at all.
We’ve had joy, we’ve had heartbreak, we’ve had laughter, we’ve had violence, we’ve had encouragement, we’ve had insults.
And we’re still together. One family. Sometimes sticking with it is all you can handle.
Sometimes, sticking with it is the most important thing.
A few brief reflections on five years together:
This thing – adopting a teenager – is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Our lives are richer now than they used to be.
Adoption has brought both unanticipated costs and unanticipated benefits.
Want to check out the beginning of this journey? My first five-person family post is here. Other specifically adoption related posts are tagged “adoption.”
And hey, if you’re in the middle of an adoption and need a bit of encouragement (or respite if you’re local), please get in touch. We’ve made it to a place where we have a bit of margin, and we’d love to help. My email is rlshoff@pencilprincessworkshop.com.
Um…no. Spring Festival is what all my Chinese friends call Chinese New Year. This has always seemed a bit strange to me. The holiday falls in January or February, which is not even the beginning of spring.
At least, not in any of the places where I’ve lived. Still, if somebody wants to celebrate that spring is coming in the still-dark-and-cold days of February, I won’t stop them.
Holidays and Adoption
These days, Spring Festival is a big deal at our house, of course. Since we have a Chinese kid, it’s important to celebrate. It can be hard to get it right, though. Even as a family who lived in China for more than a decade, there’s a lot about this holiday that we don’t know. We were privileged to join some Chinese families for their Spring Festival meal a couple of times. That prepares us to create an authentic Spring Festival experience for our child about as well as having been to one or two Christmas dinners might prepare the average Chinese family for creating a complete and authentic Christmas experience. It’s better than nothing, but not ideal.
Relying on our kid to supply the blanks hasn’t always worked well, either. Of course, we’ve talked with him about what he remembers and wants to do to celebrate. These days, he’s a bit more willing to engage in extended conversation than he was at first. But there are some things that he doesn’t seem able to articulate and yet still senses as a loss. Perhaps, even though he came to us as a teenager, he didn’t really think about what things the adults around him were doing to make holidays special. Which of us did?
It’s also true that some of the parts of the holiday that are most important to him are impossible for us to replicate (like firecrackers and being with his friends from China). Other things that were important to friends of ours in China were apparently not part of his tradition. (Families and regions differ. Go figure.)
Spring Festival and COVID
This year is particularly tough. COVID restrictions have forced us to alter some of the things that seemed to be making the event special for our son in the past. Just when we’d hammered out some Hoff family traditions for Spring Festival, a worldwide pandemic made much of what we’ve done in past years impossible.
So, we’ve worked out some alternatives, and we pray that we’ll be able to show that we love and appreciate our son and his culture. Even if we can’t be a Chinese family for him.
