Kid Stuff Archives - The Pencil Princess Workshop

Five Years

A family photo taken on a balcony in front of the Fraser river.

J has been part of our family for five years as of yesterday. For five years now, we’ve been a five-person family.

Some days, it seems like we’ve always been this way. Sometimes it seems like hardly any time has passed at all.

We’ve had joy, we’ve had heartbreak, we’ve had laughter, we’ve had violence, we’ve had encouragement, we’ve had insults.

And we’re still together. One family. Sometimes sticking with it is all you can handle.

Sometimes, sticking with it is the most important thing.

A few brief reflections on five years together:

This thing – adopting a teenager – is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
Our lives are richer now than they used to be.
Adoption has brought both unanticipated costs and unanticipated benefits.

Want to check out the beginning of this journey? My first five-person family post is here. Other specifically adoption related posts are tagged “adoption.”

And hey, if you’re in the middle of an adoption and need a bit of encouragement (or respite if you’re local), please get in touch. We’ve made it to a place where we have a bit of margin, and we’d love to help. My email is rlshoff@pencilprincessworkshop.com.

Spring Festival 2021

Happy Spring Festival! written over an image of a large red lantern and a bunch of multicolored lights.

Spring Festival means spring is here, right?

Um…no. Spring Festival is what all my Chinese friends call Chinese New Year. This has always seemed a bit strange to me. The holiday falls in January or February, which is not even the beginning of spring.

At least, not in any of the places where I’ve lived. Still, if somebody wants to celebrate that spring is coming in the still-dark-and-cold days of February, I won’t stop them.

Holidays and Adoption

These days, Spring Festival is a big deal at our house, of course. Since we have a Chinese kid, it’s important to celebrate. It can be hard to get it right, though. Even as a family who lived in China for more than a decade, there’s a lot about this holiday that we don’t know. We were privileged to join some Chinese families for their Spring Festival meal a couple of times. That prepares us to create an authentic Spring Festival experience for our child about as well as having been to one or two Christmas dinners might prepare the average Chinese family for creating a complete and authentic Christmas experience. It’s better than nothing, but not ideal.

Relying on our kid to supply the blanks hasn’t always worked well, either. Of course, we’ve talked with him about what he remembers and wants to do to celebrate. These days, he’s a bit more willing to engage in extended conversation than he was at first. But there are some things that he doesn’t seem able to articulate and yet still senses as a loss. Perhaps, even though he came to us as a teenager, he didn’t really think about what things the adults around him were doing to make holidays special. Which of us did?

It’s also true that some of the parts of the holiday that are most important to him are impossible for us to replicate (like firecrackers and being with his friends from China). Other things that were important to friends of ours in China were apparently not part of his tradition. (Families and regions differ. Go figure.)

Spring Festival and COVID

This year is particularly tough. COVID restrictions have forced us to alter some of the things that seemed to be making the event special for our son in the past. Just when we’d hammered out some Hoff family traditions for Spring Festival, a worldwide pandemic made much of what we’ve done in past years impossible.

So, we’ve worked out some alternatives, and we pray that we’ll be able to show that we love and appreciate our son and his culture. Even if we can’t be a Chinese family for him.

Accident!

Two toy cars sit on a wooden table. The yellow one points toward the white one, which is on its side.

J has been driving a lot lately. (He has a new job on the other side of town.)

So, we really shouldn’t have been surprised when last week we got a call. J had been in an accident.

The first time is always scary. But fortunately, no one was hurt.

J was a bit rattled, however. The rest of us worried as well. In particular, Craig and I felt concern–we can both remember schoolmates and acquaintances who didn’t make it far into adulthood (or into adulthood at all) because of car accidents.

These machines that are so necessary to life are also a leading cause of death among teens and young adults. When I hand over my keys, I’m handing over independence, but I’m also handing over danger.

Perhaps danger and independence are always two sides of the same coin. Accidents happen. Still, I wish there were some way to let my children grow up without also putting them at risk.

A mother can dream.

Consider it Pure Joy

Pure joy–someone in the neighborhood set off fireworks to usher in New Year 2021. It’s a festive sound, even if the dog doesn’t like it much.

That sound captures what many of us are feeling. We celebrate the end of a very difficult year. We are full of hope that this coming year will be better.

However, the quiet time journey I’m embarking on this morning encourages me to “consider it pure joy” whenever I face trials of many kinds. Last year was significant in my family (and many others), for being full of trials. Which means, if I did it right–this could have been a time marked by joy–pure joy. One where I let perseverance work in me to produce maturity.

So, that didn’t happen. Like many others, I spent a lot of time whining rather than cultivating joy this past year. So have my kids.

How could I expect anything different, given the example I’m setting?

With a new year comes new opportunities, though. So, perhaps now is my time. It’s not like our difficulties have all completely ended. There are probably plenty of chances in the coming months for me to practice some perseverance and learn how to be full of joy even when my circumstances don’t make that easy.

Who knows? Maybe some joy will spread to my kids, too.

Advent Season 2020

I have always loved Advent–the time to slow down, take stock, and prepare for the coming of the Lord.

Also, I get to sing some of my favorite songs. And light candles. I love lighting candles.

Somehow, though, I’ve failed to spread my excitement to my children. Part of the problem, I suppose, is that we haven’t been as consistent with it as my family was growing up.

Plus, I don’t play guitar, the way my dad sometimes did during Advent times when I was a child. And my kids mostly don’t like singing.

But, maybe, also, I’ve failed to tell this story right–because it’s an amazing story. God himself came to Earth as a human–starting as a tiny baby just like every one of us. He didn’t come for a few moments or hours, but for a lifetime. A lifetime filled with poverty and hard work, rejection and humiliation. It ended with a painful death (though that wasn’t the end of the story, just the end of his earthly life). He did all of that for us.

So, I’m getting some help. I love the Advent Project from The Center for Christianity, Culture, and the Arts at Biola. And I’m trying out a new Advent reading plan on the Bible app I have on my phone. (It’s the Youversion one.) And I’m thinking up ways to help my teens connect with this story they might not know as well as they think they do.

I want to be ready.

This year is a new opportunity. What better time to try again to tell this story right?

Thanksgiving 2020

Thanksgiving 2020 was a bit unusual. We usually go somewhere else for holiday meals. My parents’ house, or my sister’s house. Or we trek farther afield to my husband’s parents’ place. We bring a pie or two and maybe some rolls, and at least one Chinese dish (for the Chinese parts of our family). But we’re not usually responsible for the whole meal.

This year, for our family, as for many families, things were different. We stayed at home, and had no guests. We cooked everything ourselves, which we haven’t needed to do in years. But there was still more than enough to eat. Craig cooked the turkey and the cranberry sauce. K and I did rolls and pie. B handled the mashed potatoes and gravy. And J fried up the Chinese green beans and pork.

It was delicious–and also fun to work together. A nice interlude in a press of busy days. A bit of human interaction in a life that’s increasingly online. Sometimes it is good to change things up and take stock of our lives.

It’s also good to give thanks. I am so thankful for my kids. And Craig. And for far-flung family that I haven’t been able to see, but am yet close to. I’m thankful for encouraging people in my life–at church, in my family, in my critique group, and yes, even on social media. I’m thankful for good health for my family and for the recovery of some of the people I know who have been sick (though some are still in the thick of it). I am thankful that I’ve had the chance to publish some books this year, and I’m thankful for other meaningful work as well (and praying for those who have lost jobs). I am thankful for a beautiful home where we can safely shelter and get on each others’ nerves.

Thanksgiving 2020 was a different holiday toward the close of a difficult year, but I am indeed thankful.

Birthday Bash

My kids made sure I had a wonderful birthday yesterday. B. made me a phalanx of origami dragons. K. made me a cake (and also got me presents). J. had nothing but smiles for me all day.

Oh, and they all cooperated to make sure my book launch party went well. It was a very good day.

Start of School

I used to love the beginning of school. I loved shopping for supplies (even if it was difficult to find exactly what the supply lists said we needed). I loved outfitting the kids with new shoes and clothes for the school year. I loved the cooler air and the crunch of fall leaves and the excitement of new classes. Perhaps most of all, I loved the hours of time to myself to work and write and catch up on things that didn’t get done during the summer.

This year isn’t much like that. The kids already had most of the pens and pencils and notebooks and things they needed. (And the clothes–my teens aren’t growing as quickly as they were a bit ago, though that could change again, I suppose.)

We did have to get masks.

There have been a few cooler days, but fall hasn’t really set in here. This weekend is set to be in the nineties. The biggest wildfire in state history is raging in Colorado, and in a normal year, that would be a big deal.

This is not a normal year.

(Not that I need to tell anybody that.)

And, so far, school has been remote, which is hard on the kids, and certainly doesn’t provide me hours and hours of time to myself.

HOWEVER, we are all physically healthy.

And we are learning valuable things about supporting each other and learning to deal with the junk life can throw at you.

I feel like we could have done without the lesson–but maybe that’s just hubris.

Maybe we really did need time to reset, figure out what’s truly important, and be there for the people we care most about.

How are things in your part of the world?

J Learns to Drive

On the way home from school, J was crossing the street on his bike. A car hit him. He was OK, but he didn’t want to ride a bike to school anymore.

Getting a driver’s license was hard. He took a class, but the teacher spoke only English. He didn’t understand. So, a tutor explained in Chinese.

He understood!

He passed his test and got a permit.

The first drive was scary (for his mom).

But now, he drives very well. Soon he’ll be able to drive all on his own.

Heat

It’s the time of the year when we all turn at least halfway nocturnal. We’re close enough to the mountains here that the mornings are reasonably pleasant, but by noon, it’s sticky, and by mid-afternoon, nobody wants to move.

It’s hard to sleep much before midnight–and sometimes even after that.

We like to think of ourselves as more mind than body, but when late afternoon finds us all snapping at each other over very minor things, I remember that we’re more connected to the material than we think we are.

And cool nights are a blessing.